WALDROP: A Biblical view of loss and grief

The Rev. Russell G. Waldrop, D. Min., LPC, is a pastoral counselor and is chaplain of Western State Hospital. Contact him at 540-332-8004 or email him at .
Published: August 21, 2008

After reading this title, you might be thinking: “Oh, no. Is this another one of those depressing articles on ‘Death and Dying?’ ” Well, if so, and the key word in your concern is “depressing,” then the answer is, hopefully, “No.”
Or, you could be wondering: “Will this be about psychology instead of faith?” Again, hopefully, no, if we understand that the word psychology means “soul study,” from the Biblical words “psyche” (soul) and “logia” (logic). The field of psychology is one of the many spokes God created in the umbrella of life. Along with sociology, medicine, law, etc., it helps us understand who we are and how we function as God’s children.
This subject takes up most of the Bible, either specified or implied. Jesus specified it when he said, “Blessed are those who grieve for they shall be comforted,” in his Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5:4).
Loss and grief are implied in statements like, “There is a time to love and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace” (Eccl. 3:8) and in such books as Job and Psalms and in Jesus’ death and resurrection. Thus understood, there are few pages in the Bible that do not specify, or imply, issues of loss and grief in life, faith and discipleship.
We are going to study loss and grief in the Bible as the background for those “Five Stages of Grief” developed by physician and psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
These stages are, with slight name changes over the years: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance (or, “DAB-DA”). But where do we find them in the Bible and what does it say about them?
First, let’s define the experience of loss as “not getting what you want” and grief as “responding to that loss.” We have an entire language of loss. We talk about “losing” our temper, our patience, our time, memory, direction, face, opportunities, motivation or wealth. We lose jobs, respect, meaning, identity, health and sometimes our faith or our mind. And we have not mentioned the losses around divorce, abandonment, and death. It is not surprising, then, that many people who are “lost in their losses” find structure and security in a set of stages that clarifies their journey.
Careful, though. These “stages” are not set in granite; they don’t necessarily come in any order; and they are not “over and done with” at some distant, magical destination called “Acceptance.”
In fact, there are critics of the whole concept of “stages.” They point out the misconception of staggered, but always forward, “growth” toward “cure.” This might imply that we can feel our way through each stages, recognize the completion of one and the beginning of another, and all with clear sight of those behind us and those ahead.
Most of us have, or someday will, “walk through the valley of the shadow of death,” either our own or of someone we love (Ps. 23:4). It can be a place where we, like the Apostle Paul, “see as in a glass, darkly” until that day when we shall see “face to face” (1st Cor. 13:12).
Meanwhile, these “five stages of grief,” imperfect as they are, may help us to see a little farther, a little wider, a little higher and appreciate a little more how far we have already come.
The first stage, denial, is rarely seen as a blessing or as a positive stage of faith and discipleship, either in Biblical figures or within ourselves. It does not have to be that way.
(Next week: A Biblical view of Denial)