WALDROP: Denial in loss, grief and its spiritual dimensions

Rev. Russell G. Waldrop, D. Min., LPC, is a pastoral counselor and is chaplain of Western State Hospital. Contact him at 332-8004 or .
Published: September 4, 2008

There he stands before God in complete denial. He has just asked Jesus, “What good thing must I do to receive eternal life?” And Jesus has told him: “Keep the commandments.” Surprisingly, he replies, “What commandments?”
We must ask: “How could he have ‘forgotten’ the Ten Commandments?” He reminds us of the comic strip, “The Family Circus,” where parents ask their children: “Who ate the cookies?” and little ghostlike figures appear with “Not me” written above their heads. Denial is learned early, isn’t it?
Jesus begins to nudge his denial by naming the commandments for him: “Do not murder; do not commit adultery; do not steal; do not give false testimony; honor your father and mother; and love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 19:16-30). Still avoiding what Jesus says, the wealthy young man replies glibly: “Oh ... , those commandments. I have kept them all. What am I missing?”
Well, he has missed Jesus’ throwing him a bit of a curve ball. Did you catch it? Count those commandments. You will find only six and the sixth was not in the original Ten Commandments, though Jesus did teach it as one of the “two greatest commandments” that sum up the rest (Matt. 22: 36- 40). What happened to “have no other gods before me; don’t make graven images; don’t take God’s name in vain; keep the Sabbath holy; and don’t covet” (Exod. 10:1-17)? Apparently, Jesus knew which commandments this man needed to hear again and which he had never really heard at all, especially that “out of place commandment” about loving your neighbor as yourself.
Thus, Jesus’ homework assignment: “Go, sell your possessions, find heavenly treasure in giving to the poor; and then come back for follow-up.” Interestingly, the Greek text does not say to give all the money away (v.21 KJV/NIV), only to become a giving person. Of course, that means developing personal relationships; how can he love his neighbors if he doesn’t know them?
He walked away from Jesus that day “grief-stricken,” denying his personal idolatry: worshipping his money.
However, remembering our own discipleship over the years, have we done our homework the first time God assigned it?
Money has been his automatic and unconscious way of life; his “god.” There will be no sudden decision, like: “I think I’ll come out of my denial now.” Fortunately, instead of hammering his denial like an ice cube, Jesus offers him a pilgrimage and a return visit (v.21b). Many of us have found that our denial is not just a barrier in the path of our discipleship; instead, it is the path itself with occasional opportunities to thaw out through insight and growth at someone’s “nudging.”
Let’s imagine him back at home now, maybe at his bank, and he’s having that “something is missing” feeling again. As he glances out the window and sees some “poor people” he has previously avoided, he remembers Jesus’ homework assignment.
Long forgotten information comes to mind: a family without clothing; a man whose bank foreclosed on his mortgage; and his many refusals to give to charitable organizations. Yet God continues to be patient with his denial ... and with ours.
Gradually, he learns to look beyond his money to the God who blessed him with it; and he finally finds the “treasures of heaven” in sacrificial service to others, as Jesus promised (v.21b).
That’s him right over there. He is making his return trip; but not to ask his original question again (v.16). That’s been settled. Now he is a permanent disciple.
Next week: Conclusion to “Denial”