WALDROP: Faith’s pilgrimage through grief and denial

Rev. Russell G. Waldrop, D. Min., LPC, is a pastoral counselor and is chaplain of Western State Hospital. Contact him at 540-332-8004 or at .
Published: September 11, 2008

We are concluding our study of denial, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s first stage of the grief process. With such a “bad reputation” (largely undeserved), how is it related to our faith and discipleship? The apostle, Simon Peter, illustrates how denial is not just a barrier in the path of discipleship; it may be the very path itself.
His first issue of loss and grief with Jesus occurred the day he met him. It is quite a sacrifice to give up everything for someone: your job, your house, your family. Peter did that when he suddenly walked away from everything to follow Jesus (Matt. 4:18-21). We know he was married (Mark 1:29-31). How did his family respond to this apparent abandonment of them for “missionary work”?
Moreover, Peter had other losses: Jesus upstaged him in his occupation (Luke 5:3-7; John 21: 3-6); embarrassed him in front of his friends (Matt. 14:28-33); even called him a servant of Satan (Matt. 16:23). As Jesus had said from the beginning, this new lifestyle would be a “daily cross to bear” (Luke 9:23), consciously and unconsciously.
If denial means “refusing to accept reality,” then Simon Peter is our man. You remember that day when Jesus allowed visitors into class. While he was telling them to prepare for the end of the world, Peter asked: “Lord, is this lesson for us or ‘them,’ too?” (Matt. 12:41). Resentment of these “newcomers” allowed Peter to deny Jesus’ teaching.
Remember, too, when Jesus announced his crucifixion and Peter took him off to the side, saying: “No, Lord. This shall never happen” (Luke 16:22); and, when he tried to kill someone for implementing the divine plan (John 18:16); and, when he fell asleep instead of keeping watch and praying (Mark 14:37); and, when he told Jesus to “go away” because he couldn’t bear Jesus’ presence in his sinfulness (Luke 5:8). If denial was involved in his discipleship, maybe we can accept our own.
All of Jesus’ disciples experienced losses of “father, mother, houses, and lands for the sake of the gospel” (Matt. 19:27). We can today, too. Someone “loses” the purchase of a house or land rather than make a shady business deal. Someone else’s parents or siblings criticize their faith and become, as Jesus said, “your own worst enemies” (Matt. 10:36).
In one therapeutic confrontation, Peter told Jesus: “Lord, we’ve left everything for you. What are we going to get for it?” And Jesus, rather than scolding him, assured him of the rewards of discipleship (Mark 20:28-31). More importantly, Peter was finding his life through losing it daily (Matt. 16:25).
Jesus felt his own losses. When the fickle crowds left, he asked his disciples: “Are you going to leave me, too?” This mutuality provided a spiritual breakthrough for Peter. He must have paused and reflected before responding: “Where else would we go, Lord? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6: 66-69).
Peter’s classic denial occurred when he tried three times to expel Jesus from his conscious and unconscious life (John 18: 15-27). Yet Jesus gave him three new opportunities to erase those denials and “get it right” (John 21:15-17); and he did.
Even so, Peter’s denial resurfaced immediately. He turned his focus from following Jesus to questioning someone else’s discipleship, but Jesus redirected him to attend to his own (John 21:20-22). Like many of us, his denial was often a spiritual opportunity for faith. Is yours?
(Next week: Second grief stage: anger)