COLUMN: Mothers, daughters and best friends

By Sage Merritt

Published: May 10, 2008

My mom called me on Friday afternoon from my youngest brother’s high school graduation reception, back home in western Nebraska.
“Well, Cody’s officially getting a diploma,” she said. I could hear the rest of my notoriously loud family in the background, telling jokes at Cody’s expense.  “Do you want to tell him congratulations?”
I talked to my youngest sibling for a few minutes, telling him that I was proud of him and reminding him that he probably should not scar Mom for life by pulling some stunt during his graduation ceremony on Saturday. He sounded unconvinced. When he put me back on the phone with my mom, she sounded happy, and a little tense.
“We wish you could be here,” she said.
Cody’s big step into the next stage in his life is a big step for my mom, too. She’s celebrating Mother’s Day today with the knowledge that all four of her children are now past their high school years. I can’t say that we all graduated high school — her first-born (that’s me) ran away to Mary Baldwin College to become a Fighting Squirrel instead. Ever since, she’s worked hard to make sure that I’m as connected with the family as possible, even 1,500 miles away from my native Nebraska.
I’m sure to get a phone call from Mom on most holidays and whenever there’s important family news to be shared. She makes sure that I talk to all my siblings and my Dad on their respective birthdays and still sends me a card and candy for Valentine’s Day, her favorite holiday. She calls whenever there’s something exciting going on in the news, whenever she hears that we’ve had bad weather here in Virginia and whenever she just wants to talk. Of all the people in my life, I probably talk to her the most, even though she’s half a continent away.
In the nine years since I left home, many events have made their mark on my family. One of the biggest was the passing of my maternal grandmother, who played a big role in all of our lives. Grandma tried to teach by example, handling all of life’s challenges with modesty and grace — challenges that included raising six kids, becoming a grandmother to many rambunctious children and caring for my grandfather before he died.
As the end of Grandma’s life grew close, the role of caregiver was passed on to my mother. Mom told me often what a vital role my grandmother played for her, and how important Grandma’s conversations and advice were over the course of Mom’s adult life. “She’s my best friend,” Mom said more than once. “I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
When I left home for Virginia, I was 15 years old, and I was pretty sure that I knew everything there was to know about, well, everything. I definitely did not think that I needed help or advice from my mother.
Over the course of nine years, my viewpoint on things changed, as viewpoints tend to do. At the same time that my mom was learning to cope with life without Grandma, I was learning to navigate the beginnings of my adult life. I can’t imagine that I could have done it if I didn’t know that my mom was always a phone call away, ready to listen and dispense advice as needed.
Mom once said that one of her life’s goals was to be as great a mother as Grandma. I know she’s lived up to her goal, because she’s as important to me as Grandma was to her.
My Mom is my best friend. Even though she’s far away, I don’t know what I’d do without her.