COLUMN: Turn down the cold air, please

By Sage Merritt

Published: May 31, 2008

Time to pull out the sweaters, scarves and maybe even a parka. It is summer, the season when I am cold most of the time.
Why cold, you ask? Cold, because the thermostat of every building I enter during the summer seems to be controlled by immigrants from Antarctica, whose main priority is to keep frozen the ice-skating rink hidden in the basement.
Once the temperature rises above 70 degrees, it seems that every air conditioner in America gets cranked up to 11. Is this really necessary?
I don’t really begrudge anyone who wants to spend $100,000 a month to turn their home into a walk-in freezer for six months out of the year. I understand that everyone has different tastes in how they prefer to live. Some people prefer to live in a normal environment, at a temperature level that is in accordance with the seasons. Some people prefer to live like Eskimos. To each their own.
But is this really necessary in public places?
I can’t go to restaurants, convenience stores, the grocery store, the movie theater or work, for that matter, without being subject to what feels like sub-zero temperatures. Why is everyone under the impression that heat stroke will set in if the building they’re living or working in rises above 70 degrees?
Last time I checked, there was a functional and perfectly free air-conditioning method that didn’t involve freezing out all visitors to your home or business. This fine method, known as “opening the windows,” works in your house, car and anywhere else that has, well, windows.
You’ll get fresh air, which is at a premium these days (since it also seems like no one ever goes outside), and maybe even some interaction with nature and exercise in the form of whatever insects make it through your screen (utilizing their amazing bug magic) and into your house.
You haven’t lived until you’ve run full-speed through your living quarters with a rolled-up newspaper, chasing a creature the size of your thumbnail, screaming to no one in particular about how the buzzing is driving you mad. This is the perfect opportunity to “accidentally” smash the ugly vase your mother-in-law gave you for your first anniversary, or whatever stupid household implement you were given for your last birthday that you’ve been dying to throw away and just can’t bring yourself to toss.
Better yet, bring that bug zapper from your front porch inside the house and you’ll never have to turn on your television. This is not exactly the most refined means of entertainment, but again, to each their own.
For those who will claim that they need the air conditioner to survive, I ask you this: How’s your electric bill these days?