Proceeding with caution

By Patricia Hunt
Published: July 18, 2008

I have a new addition at my house. This morning when I opened the front door, there flung across my walk between two trees was a magnificent spider web. It reminded me of banners towns put across the main street to announce a festival.  I have my very own banner, and when the early morning sun shines through it, it is truly a wonder to behold. I have named the spider Charlotte, not too original but I loved “Charlotte’s Web” as a child. I have no idea how long Charlotte and her web will last, but I am hoping for a good, long run for this show in my front yard.
It did occur to me that the reason for my delight had everything to do with the web’s position seven feet off the ground instead of three. Had it been lower, I would have torn it down either accidentally or intentionally. Charlotte unwittingly chose not to block my path; I can go under her web. We can happily coexist because neither of us has any reason to interfere with the other.
I got to thinking about Charlotte when today’s paper lit into those who want to require moped riders to wear helmets. My opinion depends heavily on where I am in the situation. A child of mine, a full-grown adult, recently fantasized about getting a motorcycle. I come from a line of people who fear this particular form of transportation. When a member of your family has worked in an emergency room, extra caution is the order of the day. I repeated to my offspring the words of a dear friend: “I got a motorcycle because I love life; I got rid of it because I love life.” I said a visit to Woodrow Wilson Rehabilitation Center would be in order before undertaking the purchase of a motorcycle, and I did not want to spend the rest of my natural days caring for an accident victim if such a fate is avoidable.
The problem is that everything little thing we do has consequences for other people, but I don’t want to have to consider that every time a make a decision. It is tiring, boring, and interferes with my freedom. It isn’t fun, and it doesn’t seem fair. It is one reason I prefer living alone. Inside my four walls I can do anything I like, and it doesn’t matter to anyone else. I can be neat or messy, loud or silent, watch whatever I like on TV, and keep the temperature exactly as it suits me.  I don’t need to be considerate. I don’t need to negotiate.
As soon as one other person is sharing the household with me, it is a completely different situation. We have to figure out how to live together. I have spent long periods of time in a four-person household, and brief periods with six, and I can tell you that I am not very good at this. The more people added into the household, the more complex it gets. The planet now has more people than ever, and it is no surprise that we are struggling to figure out how to live together. I once had a student whose happiest times were living in a household with 12 people. I was amazed. How did they do it?
If most everything we do affects other people, the question becomes which of those things need to be regulated by laws, and which do not? It isn’t easy to draw the line. How much pollution can be spewed into the air that we all breathe? How much waste should be allowed into our streams when it eventually affects what comes out of our tap? How much leeway should we give people to self destruct? (There are societies where little effort is made to prevent suicide; it is considered a personal decision that people get to make for themselves.) What is our role when people we love seem headed for disaster? Should children have to go to school or receive immunizations? Should there be any rules for lenders and borrowers? We’ve said no, but we’re changing our minds.
I know I am a hypocrite. I want it both ways: few rules for me, a few more rules for those other people. As for Charlotte, I hope she stays high above my walk for a long time. We are perfect together … as long as she stays out of my way.
Patricia Hunt, of Staunton, is a chaplain at Mary Baldwin College.