Protecting the children

ERIKA JEANNE / News Virginian
Published: April 21, 2007

When Colby got off the school bus Monday afternoon, I knew something was wrong. He just didn't look right.

So I asked, "How was school-" "Um, fine" was the ever-stimulating answer.

My mind reeled. What happened to him- Was he in a fight- Was he caught cheating- Stealing- Did he get made fun of- Did a teacher or other student do something sexual to him- I had to know so we could deal with whatever it was that was on his mind. So I pressed on.

After a few questions, he broke down.

"Mom, I know one thing."

"What is it-"

"I know that a person was killed today at Bur-ginha Tech."

My already aching heart hurt more at watching my little son cope with the world he's been born into. I figured he'd find out soon enough, so I explained that more than one person was killed. That 32 were in fact killed, but that they were all together now and they were with Jesus. I tried to explain that they were all OK. (I couldn't bring myself to explain where No. 33 is!)

The atmosphere in my home since Monday's tragedy has been one of gratitude for the safety of my family and friends, sorrow for the lives lost, anguish for their mourning families, anger and pity toward the killer and his family, and desperate pondering on how our society and the world is handling the issue.

I have read and heard the many suggestions, finger pointing and counsel regarding this issue: violence in our schools etc. It sickens me. Our society is an educated one, wealthy in all aspects, even a global super power. Yet we have been totally blindsided by the real factor.

Forget gun-control issues, forget censorship of violent and sexual videos and media. The issue lies in one of the wisest pieces of literature I have ever come across.

"The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" by William Ross Wallace.

I realize this is aimed at mothers, but I am including fathers as well. And what it is saying is that parents do influence and affect their children's lives. And the children will, in turn, influence and affect their town, city, nation, and yes, the world.

What about parental involvement- I have yet to read or hear of that issue. As a society, we seem almost afraid to deal with the root of the problem. My heart sincerely goes out to the parents of this killer. Not only have they lost a child, but society is disgusted by him. Is this why we can't put responsibility or even blame on them- Is it because they suffer already- Or are we afraid of ever being in their shoes after pointing a finger at them- Of judging-

Why is it we can judge bills and governmental opinions, but not us, the parents- Why do we demand that teachers and administrators teach our children how to read, write and even behave, but not us, the parents-

During a debate against Al Gore during the 2000 elections, Bush was asked about censorship of violent and sexual programs. His answer was no to censorship, due to free-rights laws, but he did encourage parents to censor the filth from our homes. He simply said, "Take your finger, hit the off button, and have dinner with your family ..."

That's the answer! Dinner with the family. Or taking our children out to lunch, just one on one. Getting past "fine" when we ask our children how school was.

Asking about friends, teachers, projects. Hugging our children. Laughing with our children. Apologizing when we screw up in raising them!

Two things I find interesting about involvement: It's not very time-consuming - our children do not have to be hovered over or suffocated and I do not have to exhaust myself in being involved. Chatting over dinner, while washing dishes, driving to the grocery store, walking back from the bus stop.

The other thing I've observed is that children and teenagers don't seem to mind involvement. A good friend of mine works full time outside of the home, yet knows every nook and cranny of her three teenager's lives. And though I've seen them gripe and complain, those three kids are secure, confident and content. They thrive!

A child who feels loved, knows he's important to his parents and senses his value within the walls of his home will not massacre his school. And yes, this is a responsibility that we, that I, as a parent, have over my children. Gun control issues, government bills, laws and censorship will never properly protect our children.

We, the parents, will.

Erika Jeanne is a mother of four and a Waynesboro resident.