New trends in body decoration

CHUCK BROWN / News Virginian
Published: June 8, 2007

I have always been interested in looking at tattoos on people and wondering what triggers someone to have it done.
For someone who has been fairly adventurous all his life, I am conservative on this one and have never opted to have someone draw a picture on me that'll probably never come off - especially if I become tired of looking it. Besides, during my career, it has been admitted by a few that they regret having a tattoo because it served as a means of positive identification and aided law enforcement in identifying them.

Over time, I have seen just about everything. Well no — that's not absolutely true; I still haven't seen someone's nipples tattooed as radio dials: "volume" and "tuning." But I have seen dotted lines tattooed all over an individual's joints where they bend with little instructions: "Fold here." "Do not glue."

I guess the most popular tattoo of all time is MOM. A lot of guys get MOM. No one ever gets POP. You know why- Because you can't read POP in the mirror. In the mirror, MOM comes out MOM. POP comes out "909." And, what the heck is that- 
Anyway, I think tattoos are passé. Frankly, I'm eagerly looking forward to what will be the next big opportunity in body decoration.

Everyone's skin has imperfections. We can't get away from the fact. Pockmarks, wrinkles, bullet holes, scars, blotches, stab wounds, cysts, warts, needle holes, acne pits, enlarged pores etc.

I think people should see these imperfections and disfigurements as a positive. Flaws and defects can actually be forms of decorations.

Take moles (beauty marks-). They can be very interesting and useful if you want a truly different look. The only problem is that they're usually randomly placed and don't represent anything specific.

However, plastic surgeons might offer a new service; rearranging people's moles; do a happy face, or choose a good-sized mole on your arm and tattoo little legs sticking out of the sides. People will constantly be trying to shoo the "bug" off your arm.

And, how about body piercing- This is the hot rage today. I love the idea behind it: self-esteem through body mutilation. I've always said, when in doubt, punch a hole in yourself.
But the piercing people are missing a terrific opportunity. In lieu of punching holes in the ears, lips, nose, tongue, naval, armpits, toes and private parts, I suggest vital organs. I mean, skin is one thing.

That's easy. But how about getting your lungs or kidneys pierced- Why not punch holes and arrange some diamond studs over the surface of your liver- Or a couple of beautiful 18-karat gold rings hanging from your thyroid gland or even small intestine-

How about these ideas for the avant garde: How about small, live mammals medically grafted onto your skin- Or how about having a prairie dog living in the middle of your chest, sharing your blood supply-

I think we should also take a page from Africa's book and get into deliberate scarring. Not ritual scars that form coherent designs, Random scarring! Like letting a bunch of tipsy guys with swords inflict hundreds of small, deep cuts on your skin.

I don't know, somehow, I just don't think the body-decorating trend has reached its peak yet, and as it does, I shall try to be at the forefront, always pointing America toward the hot new look unless, of course, as folks now say "don't go there" or "it's time to move on."

Chuck Brown
Nellysford