Have a … day

CHUCK BROWN / News Virginian
Published: June 13, 2007

Do you agree that the saying, "Have a nice day" has gotten completely out of hand- When I was a young man we didn't have "Have a nice day." It isn't that we didn't have nice days, of course - offhand I can remember several, most of them in 1955 - but somehow, we had them without any prompting. No coaching was necessary. The nice days just sort of happened.

Perhaps at that time the days were simply nicer, and we took them for granted. It could be that today's days leave much to be desired and actually need a little help. But if that's true, I'm not convinced that "Have a nice day" is the best solution.
And so, in my ongoing effort to elevate human experience, I have come up with an improved version of "Have a nice day." It's an alternative system of well-wishing, and frankly, something I hope will become the next big trend.

But before I tell you about it, it's important to remind you that a limiting factor is at work here. Most people have little control over what sort of day they're going to have. For instance, when one person says, "Have a nice day," the other may well be thinking, "I've just been diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, and I'm also coughing up thick black stuff." In this case, the well-wisher's words will fall on deaf ears.

So, I feel that perhaps, in the interest of realism, instead of being directed arbitrarily to have a nice day, people should simply be encouraged to do the best they can.

It is also probably unrealistic to expect someone to have a nice day all day long. How often does that happen- The day is simply too long and comprises too many parts. One's day may start of well enough, but quite often the niceness is difficult to sustain over an extended period of time.

And so, instead of the now standard, and far too general, "Have a nice day," I have devised a new, more specific system of selective, short term well-wishing that puts much less pressure on the recipient. In my system, the time of the day a person offers good wishes determines what should be said.

As an example, under my method, if I run into an acquaintance at 9 a.m., I'm likely to say, "Have a satisfying mid-morning." I believe in getting someone off to a good start, and it's a modest enough goal to suggest at such an early hour. Had the encounter taken place a bit earlier, I may have been inclined to offer a simple, yet cheerful, "Here's wishing you a refreshing post-sleep phase."

And, turning the clock back even farther, if the two of us had been out late and parted at three in the morning, I'm sure I would have told him to "Have yourself a stimulating pre-dawn."

As you can see, I'm fully prepared for any time of day.
Noon, you ask- "May your midday be crammed with unfettered joy and myriad delights." Two in the afternoon- "I hope you experience a rewarding post-lunch."

Likewise, as the day draws to a close, can you guess what I tell a person at 5:30 in the afternoon- "Enjoy your sundown."

It's short, it's pleasant, and it doesn't demand a lot. Here's one for the same time of day, which I reserve for more serious-minded friends: "Have a profound dusk." I like it. It shows a certain respect for the other fellow's depth of soul. Or - and this is a particular favorite of mine - "Have a challenging twilight." I enjoy giving the other person something to struggle with just as happy hour is getting under way.

By the way, I have a playful side as well. If my friend is a Scottish person I may say, "Have a bonnie gloaming." But not too often; I don't like to show off my command of foreign languages.

And so now, as we prepare to take our leave, you may be tempted to think I'll be hard-pressed to offer a parting wish that hasn't already been suggested. Not so!

You see, I'm not limited to the short form. Occasionally, in an expansive mood, I get carried away and my rhetoric becomes ornate. And so, as we part, let me state that I hope you have a memorable tomorrow, including, but not limited to, the promising, golden hours of morning, the full, rich bloom of afternoon, and, of course, the quiet, gentle hours of evening, when time, pausing for an instant and breathing a small sigh, rushes forward to greet the newly forming day.
"Ciao."